Linearity is underrated.

I'll start this post with a quote of Schopenhauer:

"For, as our physical path on earth is always a line and not a surface, we must in life, if we wish to grasp and possess one thing, renounce and leave aside innumerable others that lie to the right and to the left. If we cannot decide to do this, but, like children at a fair, snatch at everything that fascinates us in passing, this is the perverted attempt to change the line of our path into a surface. We then run a zigzag path, wander like a will-o'-the-wisp, and arrive at nothing."

That's, in my oppinion, a dealdly true: ADHDs are the proper children at the fair. Stimulus after stimulus, and the actual is more stimulant than the last. It's very hard, for me, to finish something I'd started, or keep myself in the same line of thought long enough to finish it, be it a conversation or an activity. There's no sense of linearity and future here, be it long or short-term. Actually, thinking about the future may often bring panic (sometimes with all the symptoms of  Panic Disorder) for holders of ADHD. I am always afraid of my future, and the root is because I can't help it losing my focus from time to time. That scares me, because I can see it clearly, and there's nothing I can do about. A self-criticism came to me in the early childhood, causing in the course of time a chronic low self-esteem that aggravates any situation, especially concerning about impulsivity and aggressivity. I am usually taked as inconvenient, judged as infantile and betrayed by my exacerbated sincerity. I usually interrupt people speaking because I know what I'm thinking will just go away if I don't speak it immediatly, and that's, of course, seen as bad manners, lack of etiquette. Be the owner of an unregulated prefrontal cortex that completely owns you is usually a burden.  That is a basic cause for me to be used to watch my world fall down completely and cyclically, having my paths radically changed for conflictant situations involving others I'm obligated by circumstances to be in familiar terms. Overall, people who don't have enough knowledge about my condition and can't accept my behavioural nuances. In my opinion, we  have some needs that, if respected, can bring clarity about our behaviour, improve our concentration and reduce aggressive impulses. One of those is the need for isolation and silence from time to time, under penalty of uncontrollable stress if not reached at time. I know when it's time for seeking the silence , but it often happens in periods that's impossible to achieve it. My brain is hyper-stimulated by any little noise, smell, touch, visual stimulus, and that's just exaustive. In patterns for social behaviour, ADHDs are outlines, crazy people, and our special requirements are seen as nothing more than selfishness and childish behavior. A counteropoint on it is that the only choice for a person who speaks its mind all the time, without control on it,  is building an impeccable mindset. Imperatively.
And so I go, adrift, searching for a safe space to be myself with dignity. Seeing clearly how this unfitness lead me to failure and start another story, in another place, with other people, always waiting for the moment I 'll have to go away. People are the same in all corners of the world. I checked it by myself. I'm a social butterfly.